Full Moon Dream Board: Peace

So ends my four-day writing marathon. (It was more like four and half really).  I have a word count, but I feel like it is really no way to measure what happened inside me this weekend.

I lived. 

I’ve started my first real piece of fiction (I say “real” because I’ve written fiction before I’m sure, but never seriously.)  Currently my characters are still only giving me the beginning of their stories—their tragic stories.  I am begging them to give me a glimpse of their futures so that I can trust that their story redeems. 

Being the narrator has always frightened me because for so long I was convinced that God had an “ultimate will” for me.  I have come to believe, to much relief, that in fact, the joy of writing my own story is before me.  As the author, I have created these characters with names and faces and fathers and fears.  I’m hovering above somewhere, hiding behind a tree maybe, and I can see the torment they feel.  But I don’t know yet what they will choose tomorrow.  I want to interfere, to control the story.  But I will not.  It is their story, not mine to tell.  I can only plea with them…

                                             Thoughts on Fiction

                                             29 Mar 10

I want to write a redemptive ending,

But I don’t know if my characters will let me.

They’re stuck

Somewhere between the ninth hole, the Baring Sea and delivery day.

And they are running from,

If not paralyzed by,

The fear

Of an ever growing roundness protruding from her belly.

My dear characters, may your joy grow with each day.  We are hoping for you. 

And while I am hoping for my characters, I can only pray that someone is hoping for me.  I was amazed, ashamed and confused by some of the things that crept out of me over the last few days.  Solitude and expression can do that.  Anxiety has been overwhelming me. I’ve spent moments sitting silently; asking the screaming little girl inside what she needs to say. 

She wants to be accepted.  I guess that means           

I want to be accepted. 

Yael Naim - Far, Far

As these and other beautiful and hideous thoughts rage through my being (I swear I can feel them in every joint), I know that there must be somewhere they can be placed where some other power can quiet them and I continue on in peace. 

Because peace is beautiful. 

How convenient that the moon is full and birthing creativity and excitement.  I shall use her offering of energy and offer her back my creativity.  I made a box.  Not just any box—a beautiful box.  The tag on the front reads “everything will be okay in the end…it’s not the end.”  Inside this box I will place my fears, crazies and gremlins.  (I suggest taking a listen to this and embracing the restful breaths it offers to the creative soul.)  I’m sure it will fill fast but that guarantees that I can fill with peace and light. 

And so I end my evening with a cupa, a warm meal and The Science of Sleep.  The rain will sing me to sleep tonight, like she has the past few nights and tomorrow I will wake and write again. 

Live at peace,

Jenn

Broken and Beautiful

"Poison & Wine" by the Civil Wars is one my favorite songs of the year and the video is beautiful.

Brandi Carlile, Oolong Mimosa and William Zinsser

What can I say about October? I feel like I had to fight to get through the month. The daily routine of traveling by bus to the tops of the many Seattle hills for school and doctor appointments and work and friends got the best of me. And it gets dark. 4:30. 4:30! It was black outside! I’m glad the weather seems to have lifted a bit the last to week reveal the glowing shades of trees and the sweet smells of apples, persimmons, pomegranates and pears.

What new things did I explore in October? OO…well, I feel like I got back on track with my goals.

Café: Miro Tea on Ballard Ave. WOW! I’m obsessively in love with this teahouse! My favorite is the Java Mate. It’s rich and smooth and has little shavings of coffee beans in it. I’m also in love with the Oolong Mimosa: Oolong Black tea, Sparkling water, orange juice, basil.

Restaurant: La Isla, Ballard. I had wanted to dine in this Ballard restaurant for quite some time. My friend Alison and I, in search of margaritas, found our way there after a movie. It was affordable and DELICIOUS!

New Thing: The Paramount Theater is one of Seattle’s long-standing establishments. This month I found myself with some old and new friends for the Katie Herzig and Brandi Carlile concert. One word: PHENOMINAL! Here’s a video J The person who took this video had much better seats that I did…

BOOKS: 1) On Writing Well, Zinsser 2) Doomsday Book, Willis 3) Short Stories: “Speech Sounds”, Buttler & “Damascus”, Gregory 4) What We Do Know, Mary Oliver

*8 Things: Songs on the Soundtrack of My Life

Music. I love it. I’ve often said that in my head my life is a musical complete with spontaneous, choreographed dance numbers. So when Magpie Girl gave us our list inspiration of the week I didn’t even know where to start breaking down the musical chapters of my life. These are the moments I thought through and searched for the songs that best describe them.

1. Real Music: “Turn, Turn, Turn” by The Byrds. I was in jr. high when I feel in love with the movie Forest Gump and it’s remarkable soundtrack. I promptly bought a Byrds greatest hits album. I don’t think my father has ever forgiven me for the countless hours I made him listen to the Byrds and Dylan.

2. First Spiritual Turning Point: “Resolution” by The O.C. Supertones. The most significant spiritual turning point in my life happened at fourteen when I decided that I wanted to be a Christian. The Supertones were also the beginning of my love of ska, which would define 1999-2005 for me.

3. Human Rights: “Walk On” by U2. Bono knows he can’t save the world all by himself and this album informed me just how much there is to do and how much I didn’t know about. What actually changed me more than anything was the little note somewhere in the booklet that came with the cd talking about a prisoner in Burma that the song was dedicated to. I looked the situation up on the Internet and my focus has been on global justice issues since.

4. Upon the Burning Down of My House, April 1, 2005: “A Rush of Blood To The Head” by Coldplay. I woke up to smoke alarms and spent the day watching my apartment building burning down. Every line in this song has a meaning to me surrounding this event, probably one of the most significant I will ever experience.

5. Moving to New Zealand: “Departure” by Madison Greene. In 2004 I was helping run a concert venue and the guy who ran the place, brought in Madison Greene on my birthday. This is my favorite of their songs and they played it for me during the show. It meant so much and defined the next big journey I would be on. “I had plans here for myself/now I’m packing my bags and I’m headed away/down the river with the Spirit of God/following God the rest of the way. “

6. Most Traumatic Experience: “All I Can Say” by David Crowder Band. I would rather not go into too much detail, but this one event challenged everything in me more than anything I can imagine. It was the next great hinge on which my life would swing and nothing would be the same. “Oh did you see me crying? / Oh and did you hear me call your name?/Wasn’t it you I gave my heart to?/ I wish you’d remember where you set it down./ This is all I can say right now/ I know it isn’t much.”

7. Bouncing Back: “Big Old World” by Kate York and “Refuge” by Matthew Perryman Jones. These two songs must me used together as one tells of the utter letting go of strength. “I’d rather just kill all the strength you’re handing to me/ I’m weak and unsettled/ as I look to the cross/ Oh how will I manage this unbearable loss?” “Refuge” tells of hanging onto some kind of faith in the midst of “throwing punches in the dark.”

8. Moving to Seattle and All Things After: “When It Don’t Come Easy” by Patty Griffin. Upon my arrival in Seattle and the befriending of Nicole I met Patty. Both women have changed my life and for most of the last year Patty is the only thing that has made sense. “I don’t’ know nothing except change will come/ year after year what we do is undone/time gets moving from a crawl to run/ I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home/ you’re out there walking down a highway/ and all the signs got blown away/ sometimes you wonder if you’re walking in the wrong direction/ but if you break down/I’ll drive out and find you.”

Enjoy ;)

Be inspired by Magpie Girl and join *8 Things yourself!

The Freelance, Unconventional Nun Has Chosen a Theme Song.

www.katieherzig.com

What the F*ck Was I Thinking?

The Sad Irony of Cyndi Lauper, as displayed by Greg Laswell